Ladies, having trouble keeping your man satisfied? Here are some slightly twisted tips, such as:

Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal– on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him, and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal are part of the warm welcome needed. Be sure to use arsenic or another heavy metal poison– less mess to clean up and a single dose can easily be blamed on household contaminants with none of the ’premeditated’ headache of monthly doses.