I was having lunch yesterday at the local mall and there was an oxygen bar across from it. What\’s this shit? I could understand if your oxygen bar was on Mars or Jupiter, but here on earth you\’re competing with, like, the atmosphere. Are people actually paying money for this? I\’m getting a freebie right now. I stood next to the bar breathing deeply and the manager kicked me out and said, \”No outside air!\” I think their target market is scuba divers and miners. I imagine some yuppie scuba diver buying a canister of cherry-scented oxygen. Then at the bottom of the ocean he\’s like, \”Ahhh, cherry.\”

And what\’s with these carts at malls? I\’m trying to walk and there\’s a freaking cart blocking the aisle. What is this, the middle ages? Is it market day at the castle? Did your mule pull your sunglasses cart in from the countryside? Get a real store you jackass.