Did you ever see these people who drive with their headlights on in the daytime, because they think it\’s safer? You know what would be fun? To smash head-on into a guy like that, just to show him that his idea doesn\’t work.

On the hotel \”How-did-we-do?\” form, write, \”The maid offered to blow me for some candy,\” and \”The room service waiter thrust his hand down my pants and manipulated my schwanz.\”

God, I love George Carlin.