If you haven\’t heard yet, there was a fire at my school yesterday. It was in a chemistry lab over in one of the physical sciences buildings. A grad student was trying to purify benzene, but it was exposed to oxygen and exploded, causing $10 million in damage. Also, that building only has sprinklers in the basement. And I used to complain that nothing ever happens at UCI.

So an email virus is going around, and the message looks something like this:

Hi! How are you?

I send you this file in order to have your advice.

See you later. Thanks.

It does random things like filling up your hard drive, deleting all your files, or sending one of your files to someone else. Like most viruses, it spreads through a person\’s Outlook address book.

So I was feeling sad because I hadn\’t received it yet, which meant nobody has me in their address book, which means nobody ever emails me. I spent most of the day feeling depressed and lonely cause no one likes me. I\’m such a loser.

But then, tonight, when I checked my email, I got the virus! Somebody has me in their address book! I feel much better now. Yay for me! I\’m a winner! Getting email viruses makes me feel all warm inside.

Good ol\’ UCI is at it again. First a gaming major, now a masters degree in criminology over the internet. You can be sure they\’ll charge you up the ass for it too. You\’ll probably need to buy special software for the class that\’ll cost you about a grand. They\’ll probably even find some way to make you buy a parking permit. Stupid UCI. I\’m so glad I\’m getting out of here. I\’m not giving a dime to the alumni association.
[ From Geeknews ]

The Onion presents Dental Hygiene Tips. My personal favorites:
-Brushing should always be done up and down, not with violent stabbing motions.
-An electric toothbrush is an excellent choice if you are such a lazy fuck that you can\’t even move a toothbrush up and down.

Alright, here\’s what I\’ve been waiting for: the largest Ascii porn collection on the net. Surprisingly, the pictures actually look pretty good.
[ From Geeknews ]

The book-on-demand machine I mentioned last week printed its first book this week. The book, Robin Shamburg\’s Mistress Ruby Ties It Together, was ordered over the internet and the machine produced a finished copy 12 minutes later. Hopefully the books won\’t cost more than they usually do.
[ From Geeknews ]

So I was watching TV last night around midnight, and there was a heavy knock at the door. I opened it and 20 people walked in carrying Happy Birthday posters for 2 of my roommates. Within seconds the living room was filled with people. It was kind of surreal. Nobody ever visits me. Well, technically, I suppose they still don\’t, as all 20 people were visiting my roommates and I just happened to be there too.

Author D.A. Blyer wrote about his interesting experiences teaching English to Czech prostitutes.

I was 40 minutes late for work today. And unlike my old job, I can\’t sneak in cause my boss\’ office is right next to mine and I have to walk past it to get to the door. Luckily, though, my boss thought I was coming in at 2:00, not 9:00. So I could\’ve taken my time instead of rushing this morning. Oh well.

Remember those two jackoffs who wanted sponsors for their college education? Well, they actually went and sold out. First USA, a credit card company, is sponsoring them for a full year of college. In exchange, they have to \”spread the First USA-sponsored message of smart budgeting and financial responsibility. Among other things, they will make campus appearances, serve on a student advisory board and publicize financial tips for students on their Web site. In the meantime, of course, they are also attracting millions of dollars in free publicity with an image that is cool, blond and young.\” They also have the First USA logo on pretty much everything they own. I hope these guys are happy. They\’ve sold their souls to an evil much worse than the devil.